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Karen McCluskey: How old are your boys anyway?
[Preston and Porter look at each other]
Porter Scavo: We're six.
Karen McCluskey: [turns to Parker]
Karen McCluskey: And you?
Parker Scavo: Five.
Karen McCluskey: Wow. Your mom just pops them out, doesn't she?
Preston Scavo: How old are you?
Karen McCluskey: How old do you think?
Porter Scavo: 150.
Mary Alice: Yes, each new day in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies. The worst are the ones we tell ourselves right before we fall asleep. We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy, or that he's happy. That we can change, or that he will change his mind. We persuade ourselves that we can live with our sins, or that we can live without him. Yes, each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate, desperate hope that come morning - it will all be true.
[after reading the blackmail note]
Susan: Oh, Mary Alice, what did you do?
[after Mary Alice kills Diedre with a knife]
Paul Young: Oh, Mary Alice! What have you done?
Lynette: Do you know what psychological warfare is?
[shakes his head]
Porter Scavo: No?
Lynette: Too bad for you.
Maisy Gibbons: [jailed for prostitution, she declines Bree's offer of a deal] I'm not interested... But you do get credit for one thing: you came to visit me, even it was for an ulterior motive. None of the other girls from the Club even bothered. I've been abandoned. Guess that's what happens when you become the town whore.
Bree: Oh, sweetie, they didn't abandon you because you're a whore, they abandoned you because you weren't all that nice to begin with.
Susan: Do you believe in evil, Edie?
Edie: Of course I believe in evil - I work in real estate.
[after Andrew pushes Bree, Rex grabs him and throws him into the wall]
Rex: If you ever touch your mother like that again, I will throw you right through this wall! You hear me?
Bree: I love sex. I love everything about it: the sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then when you add friction. MMMmmmm. The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently. And then there's the act itself; two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the scrotum. I mean obviously it has its practical applications but I'm just not a fan.
Mary Alice: It's a rare man that understands the value of a perfect rose.
Susan: Hey, Edie!
Edie: Wow, get a load of you. You look so pretty. I hardly recognize you.
Gabrielle: Before we got married we made a deal, remember? No kids.
Carlos: Deals are meant to be renegotiated.
Gabrielle: We're not negotiating my uterus.
[Rex has asked for a divorce in a family restaurant]
Rex: Are we gonna talk about what I said?
Bree: If you think I'm gonna discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place where the restrooms are labeled Chicks and Dudes, you are out of your mind.
Bree: [to Rex, in the hospital, after a heart attack] I know you still love me. Maisy told me. As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to find the most vindictive lawyer I can find. And together, we will eviscerate you. I will take away your money, your family, and your dignity. And I am thrilled you still love me. Because I want what's going to happen to you to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm just so glad you didn't die before I told you that.
George Williams: Well... I'll see you, Dr. Van De Kamp.
Rex: Please, you're dating my wife. Call me Rex.
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