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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
I'm in no hurry, I'm on my way to work
Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time
And on the eighth day, God went fishing
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Stop the violins. Visualize whirled peas.
Gun Control isn't about guns. It's about control.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong!
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
A politician should do two terms - one in office and one in jail
Tired of being around? Call Dr. Jack
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Don't laugh .. It's paid for!
If all else fails .. lower your standards
Bosses are like diapers. Full of shit and all over you Life's a bitch, and so am I
It's hard to stumble when you're on your knees.
Nuke the gay unborn baby whales for peace
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Some days you're the Dog, & Some days you're the Hydrant
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
Don't let school interfere with your education
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing
He who dies with the most toys, wins!
Cat: The other white meat
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
There's too much youth; how about a fountain of smart.
My computer doesn't understand me!!
I'd rather be driving a golf ball
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
If you want world peace, fight for justice.
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
You've obviously mistaken me for someone who cares
Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it
The #1 cause of divorce is ... Marriage
Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out alive.
We are spending our kids inheritance.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
My karma ran over your dogma
I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
If it's tourist season then why can't we shoot them?
Men have feelings too, but who really cares?
And on the eighth day, God went skiing
Athletes love to score
I'll do it tomorrow, I've made enuf mistakes today
Give me coffee and no one will get hurt
Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children
Procrastinate Later
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I love cats, they taste just like chicken
Men are idiots and I married their king
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
God grant me patience. And I want it NOW!
Get even. Live long enough to be a problem to your children
Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee
Warning! Driver only carries $20 in ammunition
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship
If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether
Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
To hell with the dog, beware of the owner
I'm not as think as you drunk I am
Gun control is being able to hit your target
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you
I drive way too fast to worry about cholestrol
Reality is the leading cause of stress
Good planets are hard to find
Computer Literacy? You mean my computer is supposed to be able to read?
Quiet! Genius at work
Work is for people who don't surf the net!
Men are pigs
Was today really necessary?
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance
Computers aren't intelligent. They just think they are.
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
If this car were a horse, I'd have to shoot it
A bad day of golf beats a good day of working
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
I need someone really bad... are you really bad?
Hey jerk, you are driving a car, not a phone booth
Ask me about my vow of silence
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
I only look Sweet & Innocent
You have the right to remain silent. So please SHUT UP.
Work harder. Millions on welfare depend on you
My other car is also a piece of junk
And on the eighth day, God played golf
If women are from Venus, then why can't we send them back?
A bad day of fishing beats a good day of working
Meeting - an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
Not all men are fools. Some are single.
Quotes:
New Year |
Sweet dream |
Good luck |
Happines |
Faith |
Self discipline |
Teamwork |
Hard work |
Leadership |
Business |
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