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Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?
Lisa Claymen
One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool
Edgar Watson Howe
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Robert A. Heinlein
Our local Catholic church has plans to bring their parishioners to services by bus; they plan to call it mass transit
Robert Tanner
When on the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress!
A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead.
Stan Laurel
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger
Franklin P. Jones
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
Joel, 14, Advice from Kids
Funny quotes page 1
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